Diary Entry of an Explorer

Written in 2009 from the workshop writing suggestion:
Write a journal entry for either a thief, or an explorer.

by Kim Farrant

Where to start? The mountains are an obvious choice however this endeavour requires more planning than that. Thoughtful, careful beginnings. She is a picturesque landscape…. one of enchanting beauty that I could easily get lost in amidst the darkness and forget the task at hand.

I think I shall begin facing front yet slowly and gently traverse my way down the nape. Just to make her feel in control. This is safe terrain. And yet it leads to the shoulder and from here I have little choice but an elbow or the valley between her voluptuous breasts. … Yesterday I breathed in kissing distance of her eyelids. Just to awaken her senses. She contained a shiver.

The deal is a tough one. I fear whether I can control my impulses.  I fear….What goes on in her head? What will she feel when I finally glide my hand down her thigh and gently pry apart her shaking legs. I don’t want to scare her. I don’t want to scare you. I feel your tenderness. I feel like with one touch I could break you in two. I know you want this but are you going to hate me one it’s done? Will I become the same kind of man in your hollow reflective stare? Will you despise me too?

You asked me for this. You have entrusted me to bring you back. You have instructed me to open you up. To God. To love. Past the perpetrators of your soul. And because I am your friend – I have agreed. Because I see you – a ghost of a woman stumbling around in a body – I have agreed. Because I love you – I have agreed. But not without fear and trepidation.

I am to end up inside you. I am to lay there still until you weep. Until all the tortured remnants of your fragile walls have fallen. I am to stay there until the rivers finally burst and your aching heart eventually bleeds. I am to remain there until you are able to squarely look a man in the eyes without flinching….for the first time since the horror began. My darling Grace, please remember all the while, you asked me to do this.

Tomorrow we shall endure: we will climb and fall, climb and fall, climb… but the final view will be breathtaking.